How to provide feedback

TL;DR

We do not do well when someone whose intentions are unclear tells us where we stand, how good we “really” are, and what we must do to fix ourselves. We excel only when people who know us and care about us tell us what they experience and what they feel, and in particular when they see something within us that really works.

Everyone is different, we all have different personalities, approaches, minds, and ways of learning. The big commonality is the objective. Focus on the outcome versus the “how”

What worked for you might not work for them.

Focus on the strengths versus opportunities.

It is that time of the year where we publish learnings from the previous year, plan for the next, and provide feedback to everyone who we really care about. Feedback can do wonders and change the culture of the organization if done right. The prime examples are from Bridgewater and Netflix. Even today if someone says I was a little too honest or harsh or candid in providing feedback, I attribute that on Netflix.

There are 3 foundational theories that guide us on how we provide feedback. These 3 theories are innate to our culture and are reinforced by our systems and society.

Theory of observer’s bias — People around us, who observe us in the act are more aware of our weaknesses. Hence, they can help one to excel. An observer can elucidate one's demeanor and give the actor a chance to view it from a neutral/third party point of…